dude no fuckin way

An idea of how strange and full circle my life feels/is right now.


Alright, so yesterday afternoon at 5:30 i rolled up in a fat black van to my dorm at middlebury form last summer. the first person i see is Francie, one of my really good friends from last summer. She runs up to me, we bear hug, and I inform her that I am her roommate for the summer (10th person in 11 months that i've lived with). I start walking up the path to the dorm with my huge baggage, and i see julian, my other really good friend who came back for the summer (well he's here every summer-he's the directors son). We bear hug, he helps me carry my luggage up. Then we go to communal dinner, and i see all the interns, all the professors, all the amazing grad students. I felt super different for 2 reasons-1) it was the first time I was speaking italian with these people who singlehandedly helped me get to the proficiency I had before going to Italy, 2) I didn't have to struggle to talk to them. In just one night of conversation, i already feel so much more comfortable with the people and the atmosphere, its absurd. My professors from level 3 last summer were soo amazingly sweet, remembered where I'd been in italy, my last name (which is kind of strange for them, haha) I can't even begin to explain how much of an ego stroke it is to have some of the leading italian academics in the american university system tell you that its not possible you improved as much as you did in one year.

Then, at dinner, a professor, Marcello Danesi, saw me and hugged me, did the baci (cheek kisses) and said "you can't believe how happy I am to see you. We're doing a concert on wednesday (two days from that moment) and you're playing bongos." I start laughing (wtf i'd been on campus for like an hour) and he informed me we had a rehearsal after dinner. Then after dinner, I see the president/director of the italian school, the one with whom I had to meet so often for the credit issues last summer when I thought the wouldn't give me credit for leaving a week early, and he hugged me and said, swing by my office tomorrow and we'll talk about your classes. Then after dinner, I went to a gas station with a friend and bought my first alcohol legally in the US! (che emozione!!!!!) hahahahah i played beer pong, sat around outside, chatted in italian, and generally was happy. I'm already meeting all the new kids (just the undergrads are here right now-its crazy that I'm still an undergrad, but here, i feel like the noobs are adorable youngn's even though they're probably a year, 2 years max, younger than me. weird.

So then this morning, I go to the presidents office and asked him if I had to take this necessary 1st semseter grad student grammar class, and he said, well you speak really well, so no dont worry about it, because that class will always be there if you want to where as the electives (that are soo interesting omg there are too many i want to take fml) change each summer. SO the good news I got to sign up for this mafia cinema class (if i've talked to you about why i like italian so much, you'll know that socially, i'm really interested in the corruption there, and how it affects and structures the culture/society) so basically this class is like gold for determining whether or not this is a field I can actually see myself going into or whether its just a highly developed interest. So my class schedule is this:

9-10 pm Mafia through cinematic perspetcives
3-4 pm Italian Identity and Mediterranean Alterities (hard to explain what this is about...dont worry bout it)
4-5 pm Contemporary Novel from 1975 to present


I. am. psyched.


Beside all the middlebury news, excitement, and rekindling of old friendships, the rest of me feels so fuckin crazy. Regarding my transition back in the US 1 of 2 things is happening: either I'm in a state of purgatory/disbelief that i'm here and thus the culture shock hasn't really set in yet, or I'm taking the culture shock in stride so much though that being here doesn't really phase me.

I have no idea which it is. I know one thing though, that my heart feels like exploding from all the excitement and happiness I'm feeling, but it could just be the enormous mug of american coffee I drank this morning at breakfast. Who knows. that crap (american coffee) is def strong though--i'm too used to the goodness that is italian espresso.

I got to see two of my best friends from this past school year in New York this weekend. It was amazing to reminisce and catch up with two phenomenal american girls in their home turf.

The last thing that is really hard for me now is being sort of bilingual. This seems like a silly thing to say, but for my american friends/english speaking people, obviously when I catch up/keep in touch/update my blog, i write a lot. When i was in italy starting friendships with italians, I didn't have to WRITE to them, i just spoke. Obviously speaking is faster and more convenient than writing, but now that I'm not there, i have to WRITE to all these people. Seems like a weird complaint, I know, but it is a LOT of updating to do, especially when its such a crucial and interesting moment for me, because I just want to talk to everyone all the time, cuz I miss people, and I havent even remotely started to reflect on or process the year that I just lived. what a fuckin life.

Anyway, my last night in bologna was heartbreakingly awesome. a friend of my roommates boyfriend is a basketball coach, and when he saw my brother wearing a b-ball jersey, he asked if we wanted to all go play basketball. we'd been drinking at my house, having a chill get together for 2 hours, so we were all a little buzzed. I changed out of my dress, and we all went to play for 2.5 hours, frisbee, basketball, soccer. It was so fun, and i tried to contain myself and not think about the flight i'd be getting on in 10 hours, but i was bursting at the seems. I only cried when I said goodbye to my housemates... because we were all delusional it was 3 in the morning, and...they have just changed my life in ways they will never know. Otherwise, I did a formidable job of keeping myself together, staying calm, and keeping my head straight. At least I know (or have the intention that) I'm going back to Italy...hopefully soon.

Below is a link to the album of that last night. sigh....già sembra troppo tempo fa

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=235222&id=634486277&l=7788ee3a4d


I'm so happy to be home. For me, America now seems like the land of opportunity and big cars and big dreams that the european immigrants of the early 1900s thought it was. I can't wait to see everyone in california, and at school. I just wanted to dump one post in here, because who knows if i'll have time to write in this thing when classes start (thursday) but we'll see how much english i feel like is appropriate.