It's sunday, so everyone's lazy and beat from the labor day celebrations that took place all over italy yesterday (huge concerts in rome, bologna, milan, parades, barbecues, drunkeness, general confusion and chaos and tons of people out and about--see photos below of my activities for the day) and me and my roommates all have tons of studying to do, but its one of those days that calls for a mug of tea, a good book, and chill conversation. Especially since the last week has been so crazy (at least for me)
the awesome clearing where the barbecue happened
the crowd that ensued around 1pm after a 10:30 am arrival time
the awesome entertainment including many traditional italian songs that i love
the incredible company with which i went to the festivities
my only contribution to the roastery caught on camera-cooking bell peppers, probably my favorite vegetable on earth.
Life in italy for me is rapidly changing. The imminence of the end of my stay here is really daunting, and I'm terrified for it personally, only because my prime method of dealing with this sort of things, that is to say, talking a confidantes ear off about it incessantly, hasn't been an option for a few months now, and now i'm feeling scattered enough to sort of just surrender to the realization that this move is going to suck/probably be one of the hardest ones of my life because i've found myself so well and comfortably here, and yet the magnetism the United States has for me is unimaginably stronger than I ever thought it could be considering I've really disagreed with so much about how the country works and how I find some of the people, but in that respect, I'm not sure Italy's really any better.
I've had a burst of creative energy, this past week, which was also great, because I bought a ZOOM recording device (THANK YOU WELLESLEY) and have been able to get much better quality recordings of my ideas than I ever was able to before. Poetry and music sort of nonstop flowing, but it sucks, because I feel like my technical faculties for both things are so out of order that everything isnt coming out as clearly as it should....life long mission. sigh.
This past Tuesday, i went to this fabulous restaurant with my 3 roommates and 2 of their boyfriends, and had one of the most incredible (and cheapest!) dinners I've had in italy. Huge peices of warm romangola bread with jam, soft spreadable cheeses, mortadella, prosciutto, salame piccante and normale beer and scone type things. Here's the dinner:
Otherwise, my main missions in the organizational/academic part of my life now are to find out when the HECK my conservatory exams will be and to study for my theoretical philosophy exam. I'm really starting to feel the pressure of having taken to many mental health days this semester (so much so that my academic health has probably greatly suffered) and I'm lacking (as always) the motivation to tackle the huge mountain of work that seems to be ahead of me. I can't really wait to go to barcellona and see johnny (my brother) in portugal in june, and in the meantime, I just have to take care of all this other practical stuff that I really don't feel like dealing with.
I hate writing blog posts that seem like downers. I'm not sure if this is one of them. In general, I've been having fun and going out and actually doing lots of new things, but I feel very very very very very, can't really express how much, strange lately and I would really like for something normal and stabilizing to randomly cross my way since the last 3 months have been filled with changes, random visits from friends, and unexpected surprises (cough volcano cough). I'm ready to be still for a bit.
I found this passage in some old archival research through the masses of documents on my computer today, and I really like it.
We die to each other daily.
What we know of other people
Is only our memory of the moments
During which we knew them. And they have changed since then.
To pretend that they and we are the same
Is a useful and convenient social convention
Which must sometimes broken. We must also remember
That at every meeting we are meeting a stranger.
T.S. Eliot
I enjoy this idea a lot, specifically because i identify with it so much. I'm not one who deals well with change, even though I bring a lot of it upon myself because to me, it's the only way people can grow. And this sort perfectly captures how weird it is to be away from some one or some place for any period of time. either you see the place in a new light as if it had change, or you actually experience it differently because it really has changed. Like, even times when I would go to san francisco for a day during high school, I would come back to novato and sort of think about it differently, as if my perspective of my home town had been changed by being in a metropolitan setting. and sometimes that meant only 12 hours of being away from the place, not to mention the months I would be on the east coast, or in the current case, the years in Europe. Sometimes I wonder how much change is an illusion, especially when I'm flying. At the beginning of a day I could be in Italy, and some hours later I could be on the east coast. Its an incredibly strange sensation, especially since each location on either side of a trip, in the meantime, will always be a fluidly changing entity, meaning the next time I see it, it could be completely different. not to mention how this all applies to humans.. Consistency, maybe is the real illusion...i suppose.
signing off with love for everyone who takes the time read these meaningless rambles,
ali
im really glad i can reap the benefits of this device wellesley sent you!
ReplyDeletealso-- your "labor day" adventures look awesome. forth of july in chicago won't be nearly as exciting as in MA :(